Sometimes

The right answer is always there, staring you in the face for years. I think mine has and I've made every excuse in the book to ignore it. If I had ever just said ok... So much pain could have been avoided. Now here i am staring down a long road of upset yet to come. My heart has made the decisions but my brain can't let do what I need to be doing. I'm in a mess and I don't know how, or am too scared, to get out. Feeling this way - I cry every night now, or when I have a moment alone. [ usually only at night]

I understand how Anthony felt when he asked me to run away and live with him and to do it that minute. I couldn't say yes and he said he was too tired and impatient to wait. I feel like... I know what I really want, and am now too impatient to live through it. I just want it to be. I'm scared of all the things it will take to make it all happen, too scared of the chance ill give up so much for it to never work out.