Rain

I left miles today. I couldn't take how he made me feel. He blew me off all day, made no move to find a new job... Just dicked off with his friends like every other day. I left at one point to get my wallet and when I got back home, he just ignored me and didnt care about my feelings. His friends were still more important- he was skyping them.

I guess all the emotions I've been suppressing welled up and I lost my cool.  The anger I have suppressed flew and I took duchess (who he lied about taking out to pee) and got in the car and left. Now it's 1am and I can't sleep and really... I just want to go home. If he would say anything to me we would talk and hopefully I could go home but he's ignored me- ignored that I left- and is most likely just playing his game with his friends. I guess breaking up was the only real option then. 

It's so hard to do. I planned my life with him and he just took me for granted. Put drugs and video games ahead of me. I long to go home and to sleep in my own bed but every time the depression rears up and I think about things a thread of anger seeps in and I stay here. Laying on my moms bed with my dog at my feet- praying for sleep but unable. Checking my phone constantly.

My heart says it is over, my heart says he's already moved on. Or never cared.