I love why?, their songs are so beautiful and sad. I enjoy listening to them because I can relate and they always manage to lift my spirit. I'm listening to by torpedo or chrones (something like that) and it makes me feel sad because I relate but at the same time it lifts my spirit and takes me away, like soaring into the sky. While I'm alive, ill feel alive.
My baby is going to be a why? Baby. A week before I knew about it I was at a why? Concert and every day of miles and my break I listened to them. Baby is gonna love them.
This post didn't publish so its now out of order D:
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Been walking with a ghost
I don't know how miles and his friends do the same thing every day. Where'd my miles that likes doing things go? Maybe he was never real. I don't know. I just know I come over to be with him and its nice and everything but all we do is sit in a garage and people drink and smoke and talk about nothing. It's like being on Seinfeld.
Miles compared his friends playing guitar to the same thing as a Tegan and Sara concert. I just don't fit in, I don't know if I'm ever going to. Stressful, but I am trying not to think about it right now, I don't think I can afford to think about it right now.
In other news though, I am tired of going to the bathroom all the time. Watched way too much avatar the last airbender. And I got a cute hello kitty shirt that glows in the dark, I will only be able to wear it for another month probably lol.
Miles compared his friends playing guitar to the same thing as a Tegan and Sara concert. I just don't fit in, I don't know if I'm ever going to. Stressful, but I am trying not to think about it right now, I don't think I can afford to think about it right now.
In other news though, I am tired of going to the bathroom all the time. Watched way too much avatar the last airbender. And I got a cute hello kitty shirt that glows in the dark, I will only be able to wear it for another month probably lol.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Remember me I'm the one who loves you
So I've had nothing to do all day, I did go to Walmart and bought a giant sweater to burrow in. It's big enough to keep me warm even when I'm a balloon.
I find though that I really miss my best friend. I dream that if she lived here shed be over all the time to keep me company and we would go on a million adventures. Sadly she lives in California and cannot come over. So I spent my Saturday doing bum diddl as my few friends were super busy.
I miss miles. It wouldn't be so hard , living apart, if he talked to me or called me when he had time. I got to see him yesterday, so today I find I want to cry since I can't be near him as he's off doing his own thing with his roommates. I find, I wish I had roommates. I am anxious to live with him again, to start working on our nursery, to make everything feel more real.
I'll get there, I'm just excited.
Side note, I got the coolest chair ever today.
I find though that I really miss my best friend. I dream that if she lived here shed be over all the time to keep me company and we would go on a million adventures. Sadly she lives in California and cannot come over. So I spent my Saturday doing bum diddl as my few friends were super busy.
I miss miles. It wouldn't be so hard , living apart, if he talked to me or called me when he had time. I got to see him yesterday, so today I find I want to cry since I can't be near him as he's off doing his own thing with his roommates. I find, I wish I had roommates. I am anxious to live with him again, to start working on our nursery, to make everything feel more real.
I'll get there, I'm just excited.
Side note, I got the coolest chair ever today.
The Whole Purpose, is Family
So tomorrow, my best guess, is that I will be 6 weeks a long. The Doctor Appointment to go see the baby feels like a hundred years away. October 4, get here faster.
My baby application this week, asked how I feel about things. I wrote nervous and excited. Really though, I am roller coaster of indecision on how I feel. I am excited, I have wanted this for a long time. I am also, terrified out of my mind. I'm scared with all the usual worries, will the baby be ok? What if something goes wrong? Will I be a good mother? Will Miles be a good father? But from there it goes into. . . Will we still be together? Am I going to be a single mother? How will I make it? And then from there it goes into. . . What if I lose the baby? What if the doctor tells me I can't have it? What if I don't make it? What if Miles has to be a single father?
But then, I look down, and I smile. I am making a person, I have a chance to give someone else a chance to do something great with their life. And I know I am going to strive every day to keep the baby in the best way possible. Including, despite the argument with my mother, not eating deli meats.
The movie Where the Heart Is, if she can make it, I can make it. She didn't shed a tear when she was suddenly left with nothing, and I will do my best not to as well. Although quite frankly, I cry all the time.
I still try though, not to look at the baby items in the store. I don't think I could handle it, if I looked at them yet and still lost the baby.
I have so much love to give, I am going to love this baby with all my heart no matter. Especially no matter what the doctor tells me. I can't give up on it, I have found my purpose.
My baby application this week, asked how I feel about things. I wrote nervous and excited. Really though, I am roller coaster of indecision on how I feel. I am excited, I have wanted this for a long time. I am also, terrified out of my mind. I'm scared with all the usual worries, will the baby be ok? What if something goes wrong? Will I be a good mother? Will Miles be a good father? But from there it goes into. . . Will we still be together? Am I going to be a single mother? How will I make it? And then from there it goes into. . . What if I lose the baby? What if the doctor tells me I can't have it? What if I don't make it? What if Miles has to be a single father?
But then, I look down, and I smile. I am making a person, I have a chance to give someone else a chance to do something great with their life. And I know I am going to strive every day to keep the baby in the best way possible. Including, despite the argument with my mother, not eating deli meats.
The movie Where the Heart Is, if she can make it, I can make it. She didn't shed a tear when she was suddenly left with nothing, and I will do my best not to as well. Although quite frankly, I cry all the time.
I still try though, not to look at the baby items in the store. I don't think I could handle it, if I looked at them yet and still lost the baby.
I have so much love to give, I am going to love this baby with all my heart no matter. Especially no matter what the doctor tells me. I can't give up on it, I have found my purpose.
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