The problem is, I'm too idiotic to know how to be a real friend, and extremely anxious about it. For example, when I tried to be friends with Ana, nee, crystal, and pickle - everytime I thought something went wrong I started talking super fast in hopes of fixing the problem. If you know me, then you know how badly that blew up.
When I started dating miles I tried to befriend his friends. I chose to talk as little as possible so I wouldn't reveal how stupid I am. Then I became crazy anxious about how much they liked me and turned that whole mess into a giant drama stink pot.
My dear friends Kim and Alexandra are the two who I think accept me for my anxieties and the fact that I'm too stupid to know what to say or do. I love them for that. I just wish I didn't talk their ears off about stupid things.
This wonderful girl Angela has been my friend for almost 2 years now and I am writing this because I am feeling like I need to run from this friendship. My many failed attempts at friendship has put me in a place of feeling like I am ruining my attempt at being a better friend in regards to her. Why not just stop? Because I get so anxious I keep tumbling down despite my own advice to myself. I had been drinking last night and got really sad she was leaving to go see her guy. I didn't want her to go and was a real jerk about it. I have been freaking out about my behavior ever since. Since she never replied to my apology I have been having constant anxiety attacks that I ruined our friendship. I want to run away. I want to unfriend her and all of her friends from Facebook and hide under the bed. But I also don't want too. I tried to talk to her brother just ... Because last night and he made a reference and I didn't get it and now I fear he also hates me. I'm not as cool as he thought now, you know? But here I am freaking out and feeling like I was better off just sitting alone in my room with my books...
